A Yes/No/Maybe list is far more than a checklist of activities. Used well, it becomes a consent and exploration tool, recognized by sexual health professionals to help express desires and limits.
Why a Yes/No/Maybe list improves dialogue
In a couple, sexual communication can be slowed by discomfort or relational anxiety. The list creates a clear, reassuring framework: each person answers without pressure, then you discuss from shared ground.
It supports explicit consent by clearly separating what is desired, not desired, and open for discussion.
Step 1 — Individual answers
Before any discussion, each partner fills out their own list without commenting on the other. This supports honest self-reflection and avoids implicit pressure in responses.
Step 2 — Understand the answers
In the Yes No Maybe method:
- No represents a clear boundary to respect
- Maybe signals curiosity or something to clarify
- Yes suggests a shared, consensual area
It’s important to distinguish curiosity from action: a “Maybe” opens discussion, without any obligation to do it.
Step 3 — Discuss without pressure
Once responses are compiled, the conversation can begin gently. Sex educators recommend simple prompts such as:
- “What attracted you to this idea?”
- “What makes you curious about it?”
- “What would help you feel comfortable?”
These questions open the exchange without judgment and help clarify each person’s comfort conditions.
Tips for post-list communication
- Respect every “No” without trying to persuade
- Use open questions to explore “Maybe” answers
- Take time to reflect together and separately
Related questions
- How do you suggest a Yes/No/Maybe list without awkwardness?
- Which topics should you start with as beginners?
- How do you handle a “Maybe” that remains uncertain?
- Should emotional boundaries be included in the list?
FAQ — Yes/No/Maybe list for couples
What is a Yes/No/Maybe list for couples used for?
It makes desires, limits, and exploration zones explicit, reducing misunderstandings and making discussions easier.
Should we fill the list out together?
Ideally, each person answers first alone, then you compare. This supports honesty.
What if our answers are very different?
That’s common. The goal is to understand the reasons, not to force agreement.
Can opinions change over time?
Yes. The list is a living tool that can evolve as your relationship changes.